Top 3 Shocks From Wrestlemania 29: Whaaaat?!
1) Chris Jericho committing seppuku, as stipulated in his match, after losing to Fandango. He had to commit honorable suicide with a small Asian sword, his guts spilled onto the mat and the crowd shrieked. RIP Y2J. 2) The Undertaker revealing a gritty, unshaved vagina during his match with CM Punk. Undertaker had to forfeit the match for being a liar, there was no Diva match that...
I invented new comic book characters
I’m starting a new comic universe. This is what I have so far. **Villains** Loone Dorango. alter ego: Vaccinator super power: can turn your kids into retards with all but a glance. Reanson Jeffer. alter ego: Pejanus super power: smashes gender Korrin Millborn. alter ego: Marxellius and his mischievous Trot. super power: tricks kids into reading Marx. **Heroes** Joeseph Roegbbles....
Top girl baby names of the new year 2012
I want to be prepared when I make a girl with my dick. (Daughter. These are daughter names: Pring Gull Gulle Girl Neck Samman ing Pole Dance Dans Hen Chickhen Henna Tatu Christinga Charlina Sheena Winninge “Girl Baby” Crone Crone-yell Cornrows Cornrowz Arby Dreadlock Child Petuna Tepunia Skrillexa Not Boy X.X.X.X.X.X.X. Arby Pune
Today, I took it upon myself to calmly explain to two LaRouche PAC boobs with an Obama-as-Hitler sign that comparing our first black president to the #1 most famous white racist in history was “a bad comparison.” Somehow, they weren’t swayed. Want to have a conversation about NDAA/assassinations of enemy combatants with US citizenship? We could do that. Want to end a...
Naming my friend's son.
On Friday, my friend kissed a girl he’d never met and started calling her his wife. While they made out next to me on the couch, I came up with names for their son that they were gonna have. 1. Brang 2. Drouglass 3. Byke 4. Sc 5. Klue 6. Hand 7. Cigar 8. Klub 9. Drone 10. Coal 11. Osama bin Laden 12. Him 13. Truck 14. Bradd 15. Women 16. Bam 17. Margera 18....
timheidecker: Madonna’s Super Bowl Song...
I love sleep because I hate the feeling of being tired, and, sometimes, when emotionally worn out, it’s nice to escape the world for a while. But a lot of the time, I really hate the process of going to sleep, because it’s the surrendering of your thinking, creative and intellectual faculties. I hate saying “Ok, I’m done watching shows, movies and videos, and I’m not...
Christopher Hitchens: 1949-2011
My favorite author, Christopher Hitchens, died today. He was among my greatest inspirations. When I agreed with him, he made my opinions so much stronger and phrased them better than I ever could. He spoke with genuine passion, wit, clarity, and fearlessness. When I disagreed with him, I was almost always so glad he was there to improve my arguments by making me think in ways nobody else...
1930’s anal, I imagine.
Just because you like something in a book, doesn’t mean you can have the...– Patton Oswalt, on the religious using their scriptures to argue against gay rights.
If you’re sexist, you’re homophobic, or you’re racist, my...– Todd Glass
“Science and religion are completely separate and don’t contradict each other. Science has nothing to say about morality or values.” = “Claims about reality and facts about reality are completely separate and facts that contradict baseless claims are not in conflict. Knowing facts about how human well-being works can’t objectively inform how to best treat...
Not to make sweeping generalizations about a country, but literally everything except soda, McDonald’s, and a few select pizza places and candy bar brands taste weird and shitty in the Czech Republic. “Oh, this pastry looks grea- oh no, what is this in my mouth?” “Mmm, birthday cak- this is like yogurt-frosted bread.” “Mmm, browni- oh, some terrible weird dry...
Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what...– Stephen King (via doveypoo)
You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid...– Louis CK
If you think something is sexist, switch the gender roles and see how you feel. (You may be right, but it’s a good habit to get in.) Example: “This rough porn is degrading to women, she’s shown as an object.” Now imagine it’s a women dominating a man (quite popular sub-genre of porn, if you didn’t know,) or a man dominating another man in a gay porn. ...
Either you A. are for gay marriage, B. don’t believe in the institution of marriage, or C. are an asshole. There are no other options.
Really sad about Ryan Dunn’s death. I’ve been watching him since I was 13. CKY, Jackass, Viva La Bam, even that stupid show he did a few years ago, Homewrecker. He was ballsy, and genuinely clever and funny. I remember seeing him get a tattoo of a math problem (I believe it was 3 + 3 = 6) just for the sake of completing a scavenger hunt, and thinking how funny that was. If...
Just saw the new superhero movie, Z Boys: First Grade. Pretty pissed my favorite character Ol’ One Eye wasn’t in it though.
Ordered a pizza from my favorite pizza place. It came undercooked. I called, told them, they understood who I was and what the problem was, the guy said sorry and then said something I didn’t explicitly understand but assumed was something like “Another pizza will be over in 20 minutes” and then said “bye” and hung up. Waited 35 minutes in agonizing hunger, and...
From the Rolling Stone article on Zach...
“I saw that Ke$ha the other day,” he says. She’d emailed him about getting a drink, and a few days later, he ran into her in a bar. “She was sitting by herself, and I walked up to her and said, ‘Listen, I got your e-mail. Your music is really bad! I don’t know who listens to it, but I imagine it’s, like, six-year-olds - and it’s a bad...
One of my favorite people, @shelbyfero, wrote... →
It was my supervisor’s birthday today. She didn’t want to call attention to it though, so she just wore a birthday-girl hat, a birthday-girl barrette, a birthday-girl ribbon and put a giant happy-birthday banner all around her workplace and complained about having to work, you know, cuz it’s her birthday. No balloons though, she’s not a narcissist.
Anonymous asked: How'd you end up meeting Vincent?
If you wake up tomorrow morning, thinking that saying a few Latin words over...– Sam Harris
If you’re going to complain on the internet, it had better be funny, profound or private.
Me on me. (LOOK AT THE WACKY FACE I MAKE AT THE END, BOY AM I SURE FUNNY.)
I don’t feel any pity or sympathy for the people who fell for Harold Camping’s doomsday predictions and sold all their belongings, maxed out their credit cards, and did other short sighted the-world-is-about-to-end stuff. I certainly feel bad for the children of those people and for the family members who didn’t believe that nonsense who were affected by it. That’s...
Hangtred is this cool new emotion: Hunger/anger/hatred. The shittiness of my sociopath monster coworkers went to an absurd fever pitch tonight. Utter poison for my soul. So, I’m going to look for a new job tomorrow. I post this not to be a boring oversharing blogger dickhead, but because it reminded me once again how cathartic a band The Acacia Strain is. I mentioned something similar a...