This premise will never not be funny to me. WE HAVE FUN OH BOY DO WE.

literallyunbelievable:

Do not be BLIND SHEEP

"Science and religion are completely separate and don’t contradict each other. Science has nothing to say about morality or values." = "Claims about reality and facts about reality are completely separate and facts that contradict baseless claims are not in conflict. Knowing facts about how human well-being works can’t objectively inform how to best treat humans."

This video replaced Tim and Eric’s website for half an hour a few weeks ago.  Without reason or explanation.  Thank god it’s still available.  Watch and be delighted.  If you don’t watch it you’ll be miserable, you’ll deserve it, dingus.

Dumb tongue

Not to make sweeping generalizations about a country, but literally everything except soda, McDonald’s, and a few select pizza places and candy bar brands taste weird and shitty in the Czech Republic. “Oh, this pastry looks grea- oh no, what is this in my mouth?” “Mmm, birthday cak- this is like yogurt-frosted bread.” “Mmm, browni- oh, some terrible weird dry cake.” “Ahh, ol’ reliable, a plain, large cheese pizz- oh my god no how did they fuck this up?”   There must be something subtly different in the ingredient supply.

Also, I have a profoundly dumb American tongue who’s only real dietary change since age 10 was a penchant for energy drinks in middle school.

(But Prague’s beautiful, go there, I’m an idiot.)

Whoa, Banksy visited Prague before me!

Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.

Stephen King (via doveypoo)

(via susan69)

You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.

Louis CK

If you think something is sexist, switch the gender roles and see how you feel.  (You may be right, but it’s a good habit to get in.)  Example: “This rough porn is degrading to women, she’s shown as an object.”  Now imagine it’s a women dominating a man (quite popular sub-genre of porn, if you didn’t know,) or a man dominating another man in a gay porn.

I’m not mad at anyone, I’m not calling anyone stupid, and I’m certainly not saying sexism doesn’t exist and isn’t a problem.  (Also not at all discounting the awfulness of sexual violence inflicted by men with that example.  Also also (2 also’s, and 2 more parentheses!) I myself am not into really rough stuff.)  I just worry that people are too quick to react with “sexist!” to some things that’s aren’t.  (Also, something can still be gross or lame or a bummer while not being sexist.)

Whew! The clarifications on my thing are longer than my thing! Cool. I’m very nervous about saying stuff like that because I am terrified of being misunderstood/having people I like and care about be mad at me.

My writing partner Jack’s band, The Acacia Strain (who are, for lack of a better term, an extreme hardcore/death metal band) is on The Van’s Warped Tour this summer.  They got on it, I believe, through internet voting, and they are without a doubt the outcasts of the tour.  Most of the bands are terrible, and some of them are truly abysmal.  (There are a handful of other good bands on it, but for the most part, they are terrible.)  There are some bands on the tour who non-ironically, very seriously, dress like vampires.  Clothes, make up, even teeth I think.  They are terrible and ridiculous and, according to Jack, literally don’t come out unless they have to during the day.  It’s hilarious and stupid.  Please watch the first 25 seconds of this video, where the singer Vincent introduces the second song on one of the first two dates of the tour.  They have to spend the next month and a half on tour with those people, but they just don’t give a fuck, and that’s wonderful.