Samx

Top 3 Shocks From Wrestlemania 29: Whaaaat?!

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:55:00 -0400

1) Chris Jericho committing seppuku, as stipulated in his match, after losing to Fandango. He had to commit honorable suicide with a small Asian sword, his guts spilled onto the mat and the crowd shrieked. RIP Y2J.

2) The Undertaker revealing a gritty, unshaved vagina during his match with CM Punk. Undertaker had to forfeit the match for being a liar, there was no Diva match that night and Divas don’t fight Superstars. The undefeated Wrestlemania streak ended because he had a pussy.

3) John Cena debuting his new persona “Chong Cena.” He came out with huge buck teeth and his eyes taped back crudely to look Asian. His opponent Rock couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and called him a “Candyass Chink” which caused the crowd to hoot and holler.

Wow, having a great night at the bar. Trying to scope out some...

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 01:02:16 -0500

Wow, having a great night at the bar. Trying to scope out some hot to trot gals. No bites yet. Staying positive.

I invented new comic book characters

Sun, 02 Sep 2012 16:42:09 -0400

I’m starting a new comic universe. This is what I have so far.

**Villains**
Loone Dorango.
alter ego: Vaccinator
super power: can turn your kids into retards with all but a glance.

Reanson Jeffer.
alter ego: Pejanus
super power: smashes gender

Korrin Millborn.
alter ego: Marxellius and his mischievous Trot.
super power: tricks kids into reading Marx.

**Heroes**
Joeseph Roegbbles.
alter ego: Illuminalix Joens.
super power: blows his enemies minds aka making his enemies take the fucking red pill. ex. turns them on to infowars.com.

Jerre Monsantosky.
alter ego: Pesdecider.
super power: makes his enemies (everyone) eat cheaplicious cornbase foodpoison.

Top girl baby names of the new year 2012

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 16:25:25 -0400

I want to be prepared when I make a girl with my dick. (Daughter. These are daughter names:

Pring
Gull
Gulle
Girl
Neck
Samman
ing
Pole
Dance
Dans
Hen
Chickhen
Henna
Tatu
Christinga
Charlina Sheena
Winninge
“Girl Baby”
Crone
Crone-yell
Cornrows
Cornrowz
Arby
Dreadlock Child
Petuna
Tepunia
Skrillexa
Not Boy
X.X.X.X.X.X.X.
Arby
Pune

Theee Siiimpsooons. (Taken with Instagram)

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:32:17 -0400

Theee Siiimpsooons. (Taken with Instagram)

Today, I took it upon myself to calmly explain to two LaRouche PAC boobs with an Obama-as-Hitler...

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 21:32:43 -0400

Today, I took it upon myself to calmly explain to two LaRouche PAC boobs with an Obama-as-Hitler sign that comparing our first black president to the #1 most famous white racist in history was “a bad comparison.” Somehow, they weren’t swayed. Want to have a conversation about NDAA/assassinations of enemy combatants with US citizenship? We could do that. Want to end a conversation? Say a nice black guy is Hitler.

Praising the dark lord. #instagrampentagram (Taken with...

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 00:48:20 -0400

Praising the dark lord. #instagrampentagram (Taken with Instagram)

Naming my friend's son.

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 18:39:00 -0500

On Friday, my friend kissed a girl he’d never met and started calling her his wife. While they made out next to me on the couch, I came up with names for their son that they were gonna have.

1. Brang

2. Drouglass

3. Byke

4. Sc

5. Klue

6. Hand

7. Cigar

8. Klub

9. Drone

10. Coal

11. Osama bin Laden

12. Him

13. Truck

14. Bradd

15. Women

16. Bam

17. Margera

18. BMX

19. Pitbull

20. Hunk

21. Honk

22. HILLLLLL

23. Car

24. Chinaman

25. Ow

26. Ouch

27. This Hurts I’m A Boy

28. Plow

29. Peter Griffin From Family Guy

30. Trolley

31. 420

32. Hemp

33. Oh

34. Korn

35. Skrillex

36. Skrillex Featuring Korn

37. Muhammed

38. Warped Tour

39. The Box

40. Beer

41. Planet Hollywood

42. Three Hamburgers

43. No

44. Ramb

timheidecker: Madonna’s Super Bowl Song Leaked.

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 13:10:03 -0500

timheidecker:

Madonna’s Super Bowl Song Leaked.

Watching my new favorite movie, Tim and Eric’s Billion...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:24:57 -0500

Watching my new favorite movie, Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie. #shrim (Taken with instagram)

I love sleep because I hate the feeling of being tired, and, sometimes, when emotionally worn out,...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 03:24:53 -0500

I love sleep because I hate the feeling of being tired, and, sometimes, when emotionally worn out, it’s nice to escape the world for a while. But a lot of the time, I really hate the process of going to sleep, because it’s the surrendering of your thinking, creative and intellectual faculties. I hate saying “Ok, I’m done watching shows, movies and videos, and I’m not going to read any more jokes or articles or another page of a book or comic or graphic novel, and no more thinking, gotta turn that brain off. And no more writing jokes or music or scripts or lyrics, and I don’t want to play any more video games. I’m done consuming and creating art and entertainment, and I’ done thinking.” I hate that. The fact that there will always be another book to read, show to dive into, movie to watch, comedian to love, game to play, joke to write, thought to think, and conversation to have, is both why I hate going to sleep, and also why I will never be at peace with dying. I will never be satisfied with the amount of content I’ve taken in and put out. Nor should I.

Christopher Hitchens: 1949-2011

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 00:09:00 -0500

My favorite author, Christopher Hitchens, died today. He was among my greatest inspirations. When I agreed with him, he made my opinions so much stronger and phrased them better than I ever could. He spoke with genuine passion, wit, clarity, and fearlessness. When I disagreed with him, I was almost always so glad he was there to improve my arguments by making me think in ways nobody else could. My heart goes out to his family, especially his 18 year old daughter, Antonia.

Read his books and articles. Watch his videos. Think often and honestly. Quit smoking.

1930’s anal, I imagine.

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:32:24 -0400

1930’s anal, I imagine.

"Just because you like something in a book, doesn’t mean you can have the thing you like in the..."

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 03:15:54 -0400

““Just because you like something in a book, doesn’t mean you can have the thing you like in the book happen in real life. That’s what crazy people want. I can’t go to the White House with a bunch of Green Lantern comics and go, ‘I want a Green Lantern ring. I saw it in a book I like. Make the thing in the book I like be here, now.’ I would be justifiably tazed if I did that. Nobody would go ‘Hey, we have to respect his beliefs. You know, you’ve gotta respect everybody’s beliefs.’ No you don’t.””

- Patton Oswalt, on the religious using their scriptures to argue against gay rights.

Asshole Sees Self In Mirror, Takes Picture (Taken with...

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 16:47:05 -0400

Asshole Sees Self In Mirror, Takes Picture (Taken with instagram)

She’s right; superstition brings peace, both historically...

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 04:25:36 -0400

She’s right; superstition brings peace, both historically and in modern times!

Photo

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:27:08 -0400

"If you’re sexist, you’re homophobic, or you’re racist, my first wish is that you..."

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 02:09:20 -0400

“If you’re sexist, you’re homophobic, or you’re racist, my first wish is that you would change. That’s a good wish, that’s my first wish. I blow out the candle, I’m wishing you could become a better person. But my second wish, and I think I’m serious about this, my first wish is that you’ll change, my second wish is; die! I’m 100% serious about it. In your sleep, die. You are worthless to this society. I would rather you die than you inflict your pain on someone else.””

- Todd Glass

Rejected alternate headline from the Fox News writer’s...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:54:22 -0400

Rejected alternate headline from the Fox News writer’s room: Negros Burn the Flesh of Dead Cattle and Swine in Bizarre Tribal Ritual. (Taken with instagram)

This premise will never not be funny to me. WE HAVE FUN OH BOY...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 04:03:12 -0400

This premise will never not be funny to me. WE HAVE FUN OH BOY DO WE.